Day 90 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
It doesn't feel like 90 days honestly. I mean, right now I'm just participating in being 'normal'. This took a lot of close observation of the female personality but I finally got it down to a check list of things I should do to fit in.
1. Fan girl over a celebrity/ guy that will never love you back.
2. Be a complete bitch to people you've never met.
3. Stuff your face with food and still manage to stay skinny
4. Listen to the top 10 list and nothing else. Ever.
5. Follow back only people from your school on any and all social network sites.
6. Only wear approved Hollister clothing by the 'group'.
7. Suck up to anyone 'above you'
8. Never have an opinion, those are weird.
9. When talking to a guy, make sure he knows he's the smartest person in the world.
10. Being classy is way too modest. Fuck being classy.
So far, it's not working for me very well. Guess I'll just have to wait it out and hopefully stupid people will have a way of just disappearing. I did kinda sorta find this one guy I'm into I guess. So that's a step in the right direction. I'm going on this class trip thing and we're going on a cruise sorta thing one night, and there's gonna be this dance and everything. So I figured I'd act like it was a big deal I was gonna ask him to dance. I mean, he's cool and everything, so whatever. It's honestly the least of my worries right now.
Sleeping, however, is a worry. I think we're going on 9 days or so since I've slept. Fucking crazy, right? I hate it. I've given up on even trying, I'm just too lonely. Like, I can't sleep if I don't have someone next to me or atleast talk to someone before I go to sleep. Even now though, it's like talking to someone isn't enough, and we're kidding ourselves if we think we're gonna find a guy who doesn't freak me out who would just sleep next to me. So I guess I'll just wait it out.I mean, looking on the 'bright' side, it gives me sometime to think. Which usually isn't a good thing..usually ends up with me having somewhat of a mental breakdown, but that's alright I guess.
I really just want something to hold me together. Like, things won't be perfect anytime soon, but I need something to keep me from falling apart.
Guess I'll find it eventually.
So uh, to put things frankly,
Here's to 90 days of not trying to destroy myself.
Figured out I'm supposed to be proud of this.
"Your the one thing I want that I never did have."
Previous PostsConfused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
Day 0, posted June 30th, 2013
Day 28, posted June 27th, 2013
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