Day 91 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

I feel empty, honestly. Really lonely.. I mean today I was just sitting here like, oh, jack's gone..
I am alone.
They say loneliness alone could kill a person, I believe it honestly. 

Didn't sleep last night..cried actually. Like it wasn't that screaming crying, it was silent..dignified almost. I mean, I was just reading Jack's letter over and over and the tears..I didn't mean to..I feel like I should apologize for all of this. I miss him more then anything, I mean he knew me like no one ever could. He was there for me when everyone had turned away. He was always there when it got too bad, always there when I cried, when I smiled, and when I just said nothing at all. And now that he's gone..it feels like this is happening all over again..I can't break like I did..I need to act like it didn't happen, I have people I need to stay strong for, I can't start breaking now. I just can't.

So I saw Perks of being a wallflower yesterday, and honestly it was so much like my life it wasn't even fair. I felt like I was watching my life, seeing my friends, hearing about the people that are so close to me. I mean, at least I wasn't the only one crying. But it hurt when the people around you are crying because of the things he'd been through, but you're crying because he's so similar to you. 

That's going in the small hand full of movies that actually mean something to me. 

But anyway, enough of the sad stuff. 

So I'm going on this class trip thing to Washington D.C. or whatever, and I mean it'll be cool and everything. It's not really this huge deal to me, I mean the history of America just isn't important to me...Doesn't that sound terrible? Oh well.  But, uh, I won't back in till Thursday if anyone really cares. 

But I'll work on participating while I'm there. Hell, maybe I'll even master the art of small talk. 

"I see that your breaking, here's my hand if you'll take it.."