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Day 95 | bigeyesseemore's Blog


I came back and everything was destroyed..walked back from the school, I knew she wouldn't be home. The carpets have wine all over them, tables and chairs are over turned, lights broken, I'm to scared to go into my own room. She destroys me, just when I think I'm finally getting the hang of this, she shatters it. Do you know how much it hurts? When you see everyone hugging their parents, and you're alone, walking on the side of the road? Do you know that feeling? It tears you apart from the inside out. Grabs you where it knows it hurts most..it knows me. 

As I walked through the house, the mirrors had different messages written on them in bright red lipstick. 
"I wish you were never born."
"You ruin everything"
"Satan child"
"Disappointment"

And written on the one in my room..
"I hate you."

Somehow she knew that would hurt the most. She knew that none of the other things mattered, knew I'd always come back just to make her not ashamed of me even for just a minute..
She knew.

So here I stand, and I'm alone. Why? Why am I always alone? 

It hurts.

I just..I can't explain it. But there's something there, I know there is. And its killing me. 

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and the pain. Well I've tried that and covering my hurt with smiles doesn't work. What I've learned is that it builds up inside you, it builds in your heart.


Someone once asked me, Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?
And that really puzzled me, for all I could say back was,
Why do you assume I see two roads?
"I don't want the world to see me, I don't think they'd understand."

This Blog Entry's Comment Board (1 comment)
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vincent100
Posted on 07:35PM on Nov 15th, 2012
u are NOT a dissapointment or ruined anything u are a nice KOOL girl nothing is ur fault. Stay strong u are stronger than wat u think but u are nothing of wat was written u ARE awesome n strong n a good kid
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Previous Posts
Returning, posted June 17th, 2014
Confused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
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Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
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Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
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Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
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