Day 95 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
I came back and everything was destroyed..walked back from the school, I knew she wouldn't be home. The carpets have wine all over them, tables and chairs are over turned, lights broken, I'm to scared to go into my own room. She destroys me, just when I think I'm finally getting the hang of this, she shatters it. Do you know how much it hurts? When you see everyone hugging their parents, and you're alone, walking on the side of the road? Do you know that feeling? It tears you apart from the inside out. Grabs you where it knows it hurts most..it knows me.
As I walked through the house, the mirrors had different messages written on them in bright red lipstick.
"I wish you were never born."
"You ruin everything"
And written on the one in my room..
"I hate you."
Somehow she knew that would hurt the most. She knew that none of the other things mattered, knew I'd always come back just to make her not ashamed of me even for just a minute..
So here I stand, and I'm alone. Why? Why am I always alone?
I just..I can't explain it. But there's something there, I know there is. And its killing me.
People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and the pain. Well I've tried that and covering my hurt with smiles doesn't work. What I've learned is that it builds up inside you, it builds in your heart.
Someone once asked me, Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?
And that really puzzled me, for all I could say back was,
Why do you assume I see two roads?
"I don't want the world to see me, I don't think they'd understand."
Previous PostsDay 3I, posted May 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted May 13th, 2013
Day 0, posted May 12th, 2013
Day 24, posted May 10th, 2013
Day 20, posted May 6th, 2013
Day 18, posted May 4th, 2013
Day 17, posted May 3rd, 2013
Day 16, posted May 2nd, 2013
Day 14, posted April 30th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 13, posted April 29th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 28th, 2013
Day 10, posted April 26th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 3, posted April 19th, 2013
Day 25, posted April 16th, 2013
Day 21, posted April 12th, 2013
Day 20, posted April 11th, 2013
Day 19, posted April 10th, 2013
Day 18, posted April 9th, 2013
Day 17, posted April 8th, 2013
Day 15, posted April 6th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 4th, 2013
Day 11, posted April 3rd, 2013
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Day 10, posted April 1st, 2013
Day 9, posted March 31st, 2013
Day 8, posted March 30th, 2013
Day 7, posted March 29th, 2013
Day 2, posted March 24th, 2013
Day 1, posted March 23rd, 2013
Day 0, posted March 22nd, 2013
Day 15, posted March 21st, 2013
Day 10, posted March 16th, 2013
Day 5, posted March 11th, 2013
Day 21, posted March 6th, 2013
Day 20, posted March 5th, 2013
Day 18, posted March 3rd, 2013
Day 13, posted February 26th, 2013
Day 8, posted February 21st, 2013
Day 7, posted February 20th, 2013
Day 6, posted February 19th, 2013
Day 4, posted February 17th, 2013
Day 3, posted February 16th, 2013
Day 2, posted February 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted February 14th, 2013
Day 36, posted February 11th, 2013
Day 34, posted February 9th, 2013
Day 33o, posted February 8th, 2013
Day 29, posted February 6th, 2013
Day 22, posted January 31st, 2013, 1 comment
Day 21, posted January 30th, 2013
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