Day 97 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
Many things happened today. I would ask you where to start, but I guess the best place is the beginning. I'm beginning to sleep again, its not pretty, but it's happening. I woke up with bruises all down my arm today. I hope that doesn't mean I have to start over..I mean..I was asleep when it happened..
But I woke up at around 5, walked to the lake. The sunrise was truly gorgeous, the best I've seen in a while. Actually..the best I've seen since he died..
But aside from that, everything went on as normal I suppose. Played guitar in till around 8 or so, walked back. I felt like it was just me here, no one else. I knew that that guy I was supposed to ask to dance, Ryan, I was gonna see him today, so I attempted to look presentable. I felt pretty good about myself I guess. But I tried teaching him ukulele, he failed miserably, but it was nice. We went on a walk, kind of clicked there I guess. Wanted to hold his hand, knew I shouldn't. I miss that. But we went back and he told me to play guitar for him, I played love songs. He sat there, just watching me, with this stupid grin on his face. It made me smile, surprisingly. It was.. pleasant.
So a couple hours later, my sister called. She was stoned out of her mind, laughed when she said she was getting too comfortable with the 'menfolk'. She asked what has happened previously. Told her I was a writer, a model, and a musician. She laughed and told me I was fucked. Is that what I'm trying to do? I liked to hope not..
But anyway, she told me I wasn't beautiful, told me I was just like her. Told me I was a bloody mess.
I told her I stopped that awhile ago..asked what she did...
She said good luck
Then she paused, and then said Shannon.
As she hung up I heard her yell,
Shit, forgot her name for a second.
Something in me snapped when I heard that.
I'm so stupid..Giving everything for her, doing everything, for her.
Because I love her. A small part of me, loves her.
Sometimes I hate that part of me.
I hope it was my heart that snapped.
"I'm talking loud, not saying much."
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Previous PostsSecrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
Day 0, posted June 30th, 2013
Day 28, posted June 27th, 2013
Day 24, posted June 23rd, 2013
Day 23, posted June 22nd, 2013
Day 22, posted June 21st, 2013
Day 18, posted June 17th, 2013
Day 0, posted May 30th, 2013
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