Day 103 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
Well I went to the small town where my grandma lives, because shes 'dying' again so yeah. She hates me, so it's not really a big deal, it's gonna happen sometime anyway. But, on Thanksgiving it was just my parents, myself, and her all looking at each other so I went down to the dock because she lives on a lake. I saw this guy on the kayak looking thing and it was painted really cool, so I shouted out that I liked it. He ended up paddling over to where I was sitting and we struck up some pretty good conversation. Eventually we both asked each other why we were alone on Thanksgiving, he explained that he lived alone so I told him he could celebrate it with us. We ended up sending out an email to everyone that if they were alone they should come now. We were going to just go to a diner or something but when everyone showed up everyone volunteered to cook. So after a couple hours we all went to go and make something, planning to meet back up there at 6. I went with Dan, the guy I first met, because we'd been talking all day and figured out we both had an insane love for sweet potatoes. So we paddled over to his place and he showed me his art, we cranked up the music, and began making a couple pounds of sweet potatoes, which was great. Dinner was cool, there were about 50 people there, so it was nice. I guess that's my way of avoiding my family, by inviting a bunch of people. So, whatever. It was nice.
But since there were only two bedrooms upstairs, one for each of my parents, I got the ba
As the night went on, I called a friend of mine and I could defiantly tell things we're getting a lot worse especially with my schizo and my anxiety. And, like I should have known, I found myself having some breakdown, right while I was talking to him. It was humiliating, it was degrading. I felt like such a psycho when the whole thing was over, and pretty much wanted to throw my phone in a lake and never speak to anyone ever again.
So of course the car ride back today was hell. Threw up so many times I lost track, my entire body hurts like hell, its like the worst hangover ever, times 10. So yeah, pretty sure I've got some great plans involving my bed, and not speaking at least in till tomorrow. Which reminds me, I'm dying my hair blonde tomorrow, no reason really. Just in the mood for a change. Can't wait in til I go to school, that's either gonna go really really good or really really bad. But yeah, everything right now's just kinda overall shitty. Especially with the holiday season officially starting, its just gonna go downhill from here.
"You feel love, but you know you're just gonna waste it."
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Previous PostsSecrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
Day 0, posted June 30th, 2013
Day 28, posted June 27th, 2013
Day 24, posted June 23rd, 2013
Day 23, posted June 22nd, 2013
Day 22, posted June 21st, 2013
Day 18, posted June 17th, 2013
Day 0, posted May 30th, 2013
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