Day 106 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

I feel drained honestly. I keep thinking that one of these days I'm going to be happy, proud, something..anything. Nothing, I feel so numb. I can't feel, I can't taste, I can't smell..it's just all gone. God, what's wrong with me? Someone, anyone, please just help me. Help, and don't leave. I'm so sick of everyone leaving. Sick of being alone. Sick of crying. Sick of hating myself. I'm just done with all of this. I feel so empty. It's like when I look in the mirror, I have no idea who's looking back at me, I've never seen her before. I wake up with tears falling down my face, shaking, restraining. 

I was at Kroger a couple days ago, and as I was reaching across the counter the guy was just staring at my scars, not taking my money. I stared at him and asked what he was staring at, even though I knew perfectly well what it was. And he looked me straight in the eyes and told me 
"You know, it's disgusting that people do that. Why can't you all just hurry up and kill yourselves?"

I was shocked. I mean, he should have just slapped me. That wouldn't have hurt as much.

I just put my money on the counter, looked him straight in the eyes and told him there was a lot in this world that he didn't understand, walked out with my head up..
Went home and cried.

People always think I'm so strong,
I'm not strong, I'm not good at that.
I'm just a real fucking good liar.

"Curled up she's on the floor...hoped for something more from this.."