Day 106 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
I feel drained honestly. I keep thinking that one of these days I'm going to be happy, proud, something..anything. Nothing, I feel so numb. I can't feel, I can't taste, I can't smell..it's just all gone. God, what's wrong with me? Someone, anyone, please just help me. Help, and don't leave. I'm so sick of everyone leaving. Sick of being alone. Sick of crying. Sick of hating myself. I'm just done with all of this. I feel so empty. It's like when I look in the mirror, I have no idea who's looking back at me, I've never seen her before. I wake up with tears falling down my face, shaking, restraining.
I was at Kroger a couple days ago, and as I was reaching across the counter the guy was just staring at my scars, not taking my money. I stared at him and asked what he was staring at, even though I knew perfectly well what it was. And he looked me straight in the eyes and told me
"You know, it's disgusting that people do that. Why can't you all just hurry up and kill yourselves?"
I was shocked. I mean, he should have just slapped me. That wouldn't have hurt as much.
I just put my money on the counter, looked him straight in the eyes and told him there was a lot in this world that he didn't understand, walked out with my head up..
Went home and cried.
People always think I'm so strong,
I'm not strong, I'm not good at that.
I'm just a real fucking good liar.
"Curled up she's on the floor...hoped for something more from this.."
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Previous PostsConfused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
Day 0, posted June 30th, 2013
Day 28, posted June 27th, 2013
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