Day 108 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

My strings concert was tonight. Naturally, my parents had no idea, so I ended up walking to the school. When I got there, this girl noticed that I had been crying, but I made sure it wasn't obvious so her noticing was a surprise in itself. She came over and hugged me and slowly a group of people came over and hugged me. No one said a thing, they all just knew. These people, the people that I play with, their like the family I wish I had. And as we sat up there, I looked out and saw all these smiling faces of parents and loved ones of people up there or people that had just played. At first it hurt, because I knew none of them were smiling at me, let alone really knew who I was. I want parents or family that do that, or at least to see someone out there who's there for me. But, I then figured out that if I couldn't have that I wanted the next best thing. I wanted to make these people proud. I wanted them to want their child to play like us, or be proud that their child is a part of our orchestra. The concert itself went really well, and I'm pretty sure I made a good impression on next year's orchestra director. 

But I figured something out tonight. This is what makes me happy. This is what I see myself doing with my life. But I want someone some where to see that next best thing that I was talking about. That having no one directly there, cheering out on, should never stop you. It hurts like hell, but  they never said great things were always easy. 

So yeah, kinda cheesy I know, but that's what's up.

"What is family? Technically, its just blood relations. Nothing more. It's that something, love I think it is, that's what makes it a family. I hate it. I want it."