Day 6 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

I feel so...

Mixed emotions I guess.

The past few days have been a struggle, I'm done bullshitting everyone. 
Can't sleep, keep getting sick, can't focus, think, nothing..

And the flashbacks.
It's insanity. 

My schizo is just..not cooperating..

Its like the smallest things just completely spiral out of control for me.

Earlier today, someone mentioned roses,
And I could feel him holding onto me.
I could hear him whispering my name.
And I watched him walk away.

Biting your tongue in till it bleeds just so you won't scream?
I know how that goes.

I was with Trey, everything was fine, and he made some joke,
I don't even remember quite what it was,

And it was like every photographer I've ever had,
Pinching and pulling at me,
Whispering every little thing they didn't quite like,

Dozens of hands softly pressing on my stomach,
Yeah just a few more pounds,
You'll be just perfect then.

Saw a guy smoking,
Yeah here comes Chicago in about 15 minutes for you,
Have fun focusing.

I don't want to tell anyone..
I'm so sick of people fussing, and worrying.

Their not worried,
Their just curious.

I can see the scars forming already too..
Everything about me is very exact, clean you could call it,
And then you get to my wrists.

It's great.
Everything's great. 

"Lay awake at night..
You know it's not alright."

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Previous Posts
Returning, Take Two., posted July 31st, 2014
Returning, posted June 17th, 2014
Confused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
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