Day 6 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

I feel so...
Incomplete?
Unsatisfied?
Broken?
Confused?

Mixed emotions I guess.

The past few days have been a struggle, I'm done bullshitting everyone. 
Can't sleep, keep getting sick, can't focus, think, nothing..

And the flashbacks.
It's insanity. 

My schizo is just..not cooperating..

Its like the smallest things just completely spiral out of control for me.

Earlier today, someone mentioned roses,
And I could feel him holding onto me.
I could hear him whispering my name.
And I watched him walk away.

Biting your tongue in till it bleeds just so you won't scream?
I know how that goes.

I was with Trey, everything was fine, and he made some joke,
I don't even remember quite what it was,

And it was like every photographer I've ever had,
Pinching and pulling at me,
Whispering every little thing they didn't quite like,

Dozens of hands softly pressing on my stomach,
Mumbling,
Yeah just a few more pounds,
You'll be just perfect then.

Saw a guy smoking,
Yeah here comes Chicago in about 15 minutes for you,
Have fun focusing.

I don't want to tell anyone..
I'm so sick of people fussing, and worrying.

Their not worried,
Their just curious.



I can see the scars forming already too..
Everything about me is very exact, clean you could call it,
And then you get to my wrists.

It's great.
Everything's great. 


"Lay awake at night..
Cry.
You know it's not alright."