Day 17 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
Sometimes things don't go too well.
Everything is just a fucking train wreck.
I really hate those days.
I had to go to the doctor's today, and of course it was surprise testing. Which was hell. I mean..I don't even want to talk about it. I just sat there and cried on Richie's shoulder for an hour when it was over.
And it's all for her.
Everything I do, is for her.
Which reminds me,
I found out she's been out of her mind wasted every time we've spoken for the past year. And then, she called Millon, drunk, this morning, and screamed at her.
Millon has anxiety, like really bad, and you just can't scream at her. You just can't. I mean, you'll destroy her.
And that's exactly what she does.
So I get a call about 10 minutes after Richie leaves with all of this glorious news.
Found out most of the money I've given to her, was spent on drugs, that she's living with some doushebag, and that she pretty much just gave the fuck up.
You know, I want to give up too. But if I do, I don't bring the rest of the entire planet down with me.
And then there was my parents, which was just hell. Of course.
After about an hour of that I had a nervous breakdown.
Right in front of them.
It was the worst thing I've ever had to go through in a long time.
I feel humiliated, I feel broken, and I just want to rip myself apart right now.
If there's one reason not to just give up,
I don't know who everyone thinks I am, but I can't hold myself together like they think I can.
I can't fix everything.
I can't solve their problems, and I can't even solve my own.
I really hate myself.
"There's a war inside my head. But the wounds are on my body."
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Previous PostsDay 3, posted May 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted May 13th, 2013
Day 0, posted May 12th, 2013
Day 24, posted May 10th, 2013
Day 20, posted May 6th, 2013
Day 18, posted May 4th, 2013
Day 17, posted May 3rd, 2013
Day 16, posted May 2nd, 2013
Day 14, posted April 30th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 13, posted April 29th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 28th, 2013
Day 10, posted April 26th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 3, posted April 19th, 2013
Day 25, posted April 16th, 2013
Day 21, posted April 12th, 2013
Day 20, posted April 11th, 2013
Day 19, posted April 10th, 2013
Day 18, posted April 9th, 2013
Day 17, posted April 8th, 2013
Day 15, posted April 6th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 4th, 2013
Day 11, posted April 3rd, 2013
Day 11, posted April 2nd, 2013
Day 10, posted April 1st, 2013
Day 9, posted March 31st, 2013
Day 8, posted March 30th, 2013
Day 7, posted March 29th, 2013
Day 2, posted March 24th, 2013
Day 1, posted March 23rd, 2013
Day 0, posted March 22nd, 2013
Day 15, posted March 21st, 2013
Day 10, posted March 16th, 2013
Day 5, posted March 11th, 2013
Day 21, posted March 6th, 2013
Day 20, posted March 5th, 2013
Day 18, posted March 3rd, 2013
Day 13, posted February 26th, 2013
Day 8, posted February 21st, 2013
Day 7, posted February 20th, 2013
Day 6, posted February 19th, 2013
Day 4, posted February 17th, 2013
Day 3, posted February 16th, 2013
Day 2, posted February 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted February 14th, 2013
Day 36, posted February 11th, 2013
Day 34, posted February 9th, 2013
Day 33o, posted February 8th, 2013
Day 29, posted February 6th, 2013
Day 22, posted January 31st, 2013, 1 comment
Day 21, posted January 30th, 2013
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