Day 37 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

Today was lukewarm. First day back at school, kind of reminded me how much I really do hate the people I see there. I mean, it really hit me today. I have nothing in common with anyone, I don't really want to, and I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. 
Someone said to me, so are you excited for next year?
I looked at her and said,
Fuck no. I'm 'excited' for college where I never have to see anyone her ever again. 
And she looked at me, and she told me she knew exactly what I meant.

So there's some hope.

But I still feel like I'm just waiting for something to actually happen. Everything is so predictable, it's disgusting.


I feel like a tube of toothpaste in the juice section of a grocery store.

Everyone looks at it funny,
And I just don't belong.

"No no no. I don't want to screw you. I just love you. When did who you want to screw become the whole game? Since when is the person you want to screw the only person you get to love? It's so stupid. I mean, who even gives a fuck about sex? People act like it's the most important thing a human can ever do, but come on. How can our lives revolve around something slugs can do. I mean who you want to screw and whether you screw them? Those are important questions, I guess. But they're not that important. You know what's important? Who would you die for? Who do you wake up for at 4:45 in the morning for even though you don't know why he needs you? Whose drunken nose would you pick?!"