Day 0 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

Starting over, again.
A part of me knew I could never do it. 
And now my thighs are covered with cuts. 
Bloody gashes that remind me who exactly I am. 
Everything just..hurts so badly. I can't ever stop crying, I can just get myself to shut up. I can laugh while I have tears streaming down my face. I can cut on my thighs so no one will know how badly I'm hurting. I can keep pretending like everything's fine. 
Because that's the thing. Nobody cares. You don't care, they don't care, 
I don't care.
I really just give up. I've said that so many times before, but now it's like I was just taking a break. Not really giving up, just stopping for a bit.
But I feel like I can't go on anymore. I mean honestly, what is there to live for?
There is nothing anymore. Nothing is important like it used to be, nothing matters nearly as much as it should. 
I keep waiting for something to break in, make me feel happy, excited, something. But it's all so fake. I'm a fake.

I hurt everyone close to me. I hurt those who try to help. 
And I try to kill the only person who really gets it,
I try to kill myself.


23 cuts.


Four slaps across the face,
Three plates thrown at me,
Two 'I hate you's,
And one slam of a door.

That's what did me in this time.

It's just..I was so excited.
It lasted for about 8 minutes.

Because on the 25th, I'm going to this military ball thing with some friends of mine,
And it's just the light of everything right now.

And she just destroyed that excitement.

Now I know everytime I think of that, I'm going to think of her,
The cuts on my leg,
And letting everyone down.

But it's funny.

Because I'm alone.

Why?

Nobody cares.



Nobody cares.




Nobody fucking cares.


"If you cut me open, you'd finally see me. You'd finally know that I'm dying."