Day 0 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
Starting over, again.
A part of me knew I could never do it.
And now my thighs are covered with cuts.
Bloody gashes that remind me who exactly I am.
Everything just..hurts so badly. I can't ever stop crying, I can just get myself to shut up. I can laugh while I have tears streaming down my face. I can cut on my thighs so no one will know how badly I'm hurting. I can keep pretending like everything's fine.
Because that's the thing. Nobody cares. You don't care, they don't care,
I don't care.
I really just give up. I've said that so many times before, but now it's like I was just taking a break. Not really giving up, just stopping for a bit.
But I feel like I can't go on anymore. I mean honestly, what is there to live for?
There is nothing anymore. Nothing is important like it used to be, nothing matters nearly as much as it should.
I keep waiting for something to break in, make me feel happy, excited, something. But it's all so fake. I'm a fake.
I hurt everyone close to me. I hurt those who try to help.
And I try to kill the only person who really gets it,
I try to kill myself.
Four slaps across the face,
Three plates thrown at me,
Two 'I hate you's,
And one slam of a door.
That's what did me in this time.
It's just..I was so excited.
It lasted for about 8 minutes.
Because on the 25th, I'm going to this military ball thing with some friends of mine,
And it's just the light of everything right now.
And she just destroyed that excitement.
Now I know everytime I think of that, I'm going to think of her,
The cuts on my leg,
And letting everyone down.
But it's funny.
Because I'm alone.
Nobody fucking cares.
"If you cut me open, you'd finally see me. You'd finally know that I'm dying."
Previous PostsReturning, Take Two., posted July 31st, 2014
Returning, posted June 17th, 2014
Confused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
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