Day 0 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
Starting over, again.
A part of me knew I could never do it.
And now my thighs are covered with cuts.
Bloody gashes that remind me who exactly I am.
Everything just..hurts so badly. I can't ever stop crying, I can just get myself to shut up. I can laugh while I have tears streaming down my face. I can cut on my thighs so no one will know how badly I'm hurting. I can keep pretending like everything's fine.
Because that's the thing. Nobody cares. You don't care, they don't care,
I don't care.
I really just give up. I've said that so many times before, but now it's like I was just taking a break. Not really giving up, just stopping for a bit.
But I feel like I can't go on anymore. I mean honestly, what is there to live for?
There is nothing anymore. Nothing is important like it used to be, nothing matters nearly as much as it should.
I keep waiting for something to break in, make me feel happy, excited, something. But it's all so fake. I'm a fake.
I hurt everyone close to me. I hurt those who try to help.
And I try to kill the only person who really gets it,
I try to kill myself.
Four slaps across the face,
Three plates thrown at me,
Two 'I hate you's,
And one slam of a door.
That's what did me in this time.
It's just..I was so excited.
It lasted for about 8 minutes.
Because on the 25th, I'm going to this military ball thing with some friends of mine,
And it's just the light of everything right now.
And she just destroyed that excitement.
Now I know everytime I think of that, I'm going to think of her,
The cuts on my leg,
And letting everyone down.
But it's funny.
Because I'm alone.
Nobody fucking cares.
"If you cut me open, you'd finally see me. You'd finally know that I'm dying."
Previous PostsDay 3, posted May 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted May 13th, 2013
Day 0, posted May 12th, 2013
Day 24, posted May 10th, 2013
Day 20, posted May 6th, 2013
Day 18, posted May 4th, 2013
Day 17, posted May 3rd, 2013
Day 16, posted May 2nd, 2013
Day 14, posted April 30th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 13, posted April 29th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 28th, 2013
Day 10, posted April 26th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 3, posted April 19th, 2013
Day 25, posted April 16th, 2013
Day 21, posted April 12th, 2013
Day 20, posted April 11th, 2013
Day 19, posted April 10th, 2013
Day 18, posted April 9th, 2013
Day 17, posted April 8th, 2013
Day 15, posted April 6th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 4th, 2013
Day 11, posted April 3rd, 2013
Day 11, posted April 2nd, 2013
Day 10, posted April 1st, 2013
Day 9, posted March 31st, 2013
Day 8, posted March 30th, 2013
Day 7, posted March 29th, 2013
Day 2, posted March 24th, 2013
Day 1, posted March 23rd, 2013
Day 0, posted March 22nd, 2013
Day 15, posted March 21st, 2013
Day 10, posted March 16th, 2013
Day 5, posted March 11th, 2013
Day 21, posted March 6th, 2013
Day 20, posted March 5th, 2013
Day 18, posted March 3rd, 2013
Day 13, posted February 26th, 2013
Day 8, posted February 21st, 2013
Day 7, posted February 20th, 2013
Day 6, posted February 19th, 2013
Day 4, posted February 17th, 2013
Day 3, posted February 16th, 2013
Day 2, posted February 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted February 14th, 2013
Day 36, posted February 11th, 2013
Day 34, posted February 9th, 2013
Day 33o, posted February 8th, 2013
Day 29, posted February 6th, 2013
Day 22, posted January 31st, 2013, 1 comment
Day 21, posted January 30th, 2013
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