Day 7 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
I once heard in a song, it's better to fade away then to go out like a flame.
Savannah's condition is getting worse, so far we know she has bone cancer but she might have a brain tumor also. My little angel is dying. I haven't slept in two days because she doesn't. She just screams, she cries, she whimpers. The whimpers, those are the worst of them all. They hurt you, the sound itself brings tears to your eyes, never mind the reason behind them.
This grief that I'm feeling, it comes only at night. Only when I see her broken, quivering body do I allow myself to cry. To break down into body shaking convulsions. As the sun rises, I slowly become numb again. Mindlessly going through the motions of the day, only to repeat.
The cuts on my leg are getting deeper, larger, more painful. Every time I stand up, it burns. Sit down, kneel, it stings. I bought a dress, you can see them. I don't think I can get rid of them by the 25th.
My mom was with me when I bought the dress, she looked at me and whispered "But you're such a beautiful girl."
The more I think of this, the more bitter I become about her saying that.
She see's the graphic evidence, and she compliments my looks.
I looked in the mirror this morning, I still hate what I see.
I come home, she clucks at me to eat something.
Don't want to.
I want nothing in me.
Nothing near me...
I just want to be left alone.
"I kissed the scars on her skin, I still think your beautiful, I never want to loose my best friend."
Previous PostsConfused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
Day 0, posted June 30th, 2013
Day 28, posted June 27th, 2013
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