Day 7 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
I once heard in a song, it's better to fade away then to go out like a flame.
Savannah's condition is getting worse, so far we know she has bone cancer but she might have a brain tumor also. My little angel is dying. I haven't slept in two days because she doesn't. She just screams, she cries, she whimpers. The whimpers, those are the worst of them all. They hurt you, the sound itself brings tears to your eyes, never mind the reason behind them.
This grief that I'm feeling, it comes only at night. Only when I see her broken, quivering body do I allow myself to cry. To break down into body shaking convulsions. As the sun rises, I slowly become numb again. Mindlessly going through the motions of the day, only to repeat.
The cuts on my leg are getting deeper, larger, more painful. Every time I stand up, it burns. Sit down, kneel, it stings. I bought a dress, you can see them. I don't think I can get rid of them by the 25th.
My mom was with me when I bought the dress, she looked at me and whispered "But you're such a beautiful girl."
The more I think of this, the more bitter I become about her saying that.
She see's the graphic evidence, and she compliments my looks.
I looked in the mirror this morning, I still hate what I see.
I come home, she clucks at me to eat something.
Don't want to.
I want nothing in me.
Nothing near me...
I just want to be left alone.
"I kissed the scars on her skin, I still think your beautiful, I never want to loose my best friend."
Previous PostsDay 3, posted May 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted May 13th, 2013
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Day 17, posted May 3rd, 2013
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Day 14, posted April 30th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 13, posted April 29th, 2013
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Day 10, posted April 26th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 3, posted April 19th, 2013
Day 25, posted April 16th, 2013
Day 21, posted April 12th, 2013
Day 20, posted April 11th, 2013
Day 19, posted April 10th, 2013
Day 18, posted April 9th, 2013
Day 17, posted April 8th, 2013
Day 15, posted April 6th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 4th, 2013
Day 11, posted April 3rd, 2013
Day 11, posted April 2nd, 2013
Day 10, posted April 1st, 2013
Day 9, posted March 31st, 2013
Day 8, posted March 30th, 2013
Day 7, posted March 29th, 2013
Day 2, posted March 24th, 2013
Day 1, posted March 23rd, 2013
Day 0, posted March 22nd, 2013
Day 15, posted March 21st, 2013
Day 10, posted March 16th, 2013
Day 5, posted March 11th, 2013
Day 21, posted March 6th, 2013
Day 20, posted March 5th, 2013
Day 18, posted March 3rd, 2013
Day 13, posted February 26th, 2013
Day 8, posted February 21st, 2013
Day 7, posted February 20th, 2013
Day 6, posted February 19th, 2013
Day 4, posted February 17th, 2013
Day 3, posted February 16th, 2013
Day 2, posted February 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted February 14th, 2013
Day 36, posted February 11th, 2013
Day 34, posted February 9th, 2013
Day 33o, posted February 8th, 2013
Day 29, posted February 6th, 2013
Day 22, posted January 31st, 2013, 1 comment
Day 21, posted January 30th, 2013
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