Day 17 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

I feel really drained. I don't want to move, haven't actually smiled in awhile, and I just overall feel terrible. I don't know if I'm sick or what, but the question is what is it that's made me like this? Is it just illness, or am I also sick of life? This one, or the next? 
I still need a change, an actual one.
Honestly just considering messing things up, doing something awful, just so something, anything, will actually happen. 
I'm beginning to dread everyday, it just feels like a chore, having to get up in the morning.
I'm so sick of everything and everyone.
I'm not eating as I should..Didn't eat yesterday, probably not going to today. 
If I'm supposed to see someone, I'll just drink water to make it look like I'm normal.
Not just a bag of bones.
I don't know what I'm trying to do, I mean it's really not about loosing weight. No one to impress, don't really care anymore anyway. Eating just feels like everything else, an inconvience. 
I went to the gym with Heather yesterday, didn't stay long. I hate her. She'll pick at you and tell you everything she doesn't like. She calls it encouragement, I call it hell.
Savannah's doing worse. She's going to die soon. 
No one really knows about what's going on there. 
I'll miss her, but she's just like everyone else really.
All the people close to me have a way of permanently leaving.

But yeah, there's the general update if anyone's listening, 
Everything is just..
Fucking grand.

"Under my clothes are battle wounds for the war in my head. I hide them from you all."