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Day 19 | bigeyesseemore's Blog


I'm not quite sure what started all of this, the reasons have all run away. 
I think something may be wrong, sadly I'm fading. Loosing weight, my skins getting paler, I have all these bruises, and my insides are falling apart. Everything hurts. I'll get this waves of pain, and it just kills. I was talking to one of my doctors just a bit ago, they said they don't know quite what's wrong, but it might not be too good. 
I feel so out of it. Everyone is so concerned, and I'm over here thinking about what it'd be like to put stars on my curtains. 
I can see through my legs now, there's a gap between my thighs. I could see my feet.

They said they're going to give me more medication, but I don't think I'm going to take it. I'd rather just go then have to stay here because of little capsules that are supposed to make it all better. 
I like to think that if I'm supposed to be here, then I'll stay. If not, then I'm okay with going too.

I was up all night thinking last night. Went through a lot of things. I'm trying to have conversations in my head now, I don't think anyone would quite want to listen to what I've got to say. I know I really wouldn't be looking forward to it either. Besides..when everything is lonely, I can be my own best friend.

Oh, I found the song. When I met Jack one of the first things he said to me were this lyrics. I finally found what they were from. So I'm going to be listening to that a bazillion times.

I miss him.

The sun hasn't shined in a while. That just occurred to me. I can not remember the last sunny day we had.
That makes me sad.

"We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain."

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Previous Posts
Returning, Take Two., posted July 31st, 2014
Returning, posted June 17th, 2014
Confused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
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Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
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