Day 21 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
I'm feeling a bit more like myself again. I woke up, skipped jazz band (no one was home and it was raining), so I got 40 or so minutes to myself. I was looking out the window, watching the rain, listening to music (Such Great Heights by The Section Quartet for those who were wondering) and I started to smile. I was listening, not just hearing the music. It'd been so long since I've done that. I could feel it, understand it better then any words that have been said to me. It was this knowing, this contentedness, that I've been missing.
I went through the motions of the day, a bit more enthusiastic this time. I was practicing with my ensemble group and I was playing bass. Now there's a funny thing about that big beast of an instrument. I completely love it. Telling you that I'm passionate about that is an understatement. There's this feeling of complete bliss when I play it, I can't describe it any other way. There's times every now and then, where I'm really connecting with it. It's not just an ob
And that's what I got today.
While we were playing, I think it was the final time, it was perfect. We were in a crowded hallway with other groups practicing and we thought we'd play straight through one last time to see how it goes. Everyone stopped playing, they watched. One guy came up to me, he just stared at my bass, watched my hands, my bow, everything. Completely transfixed. You could see the thoughts and the wheels turning in his head. I think for that one moment, he was feeling something like I was.
After that, I went to church group. I really look forward to that, it's like something to hold onto in the middle of the week to remind you that you're really alive and breathing. We were watching this video about a man who had his wife and four children killed in a flash flood. Two of the children were special needs. As sad as it is, his story really stood out to me. You could literally feel the love he had for his family by listening to him. And even though two of his children were special needs, that only made the bond stronger. As I was watching this, I kept thinking to myself, I want that. I want to have a family like that. And when I found out what happened, it really hit me.
I don't exactly know what I'm trying to go with this, but it really stood out to me. It wasn't just another sad story. There was something behind this one, and I think that's why so many people get affected by it. There's a raw and unconditional love behind this man's words, one that every single one of us longs for.
After watching that we were supposed to write something about the Resurrection of Christ. It could be a skit, a song, a poem, whatever. We decided to do a poem. Somehow I was chosen to be the leader and write it or whatever. So I did what I do best with that. I grabbed a marker and just wrote. The board was soon covered, literally showing my thought process. But there was one phrase that I kept repeating, that showed the similarity between the man and Christ. I kept writing, 'but it was out of love.'
Those 6 words, described so much. But they also linked everything together in a way that I could never fully explain, but it's just something that's understood.
So yeah, that's what I would say to you.
But the problem is, I still don't talk too much, but I'm working on it.
"If people knew how crazy we all are, would we all leave each other?"
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Previous PostsReturning, posted June 17th, 2014
Confused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
Day 0, posted June 30th, 2013
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