Day 36 | bigeyesseemore's Blog

I feel like nothing I do really has any meaning anymore. This is just another day I've made it through, just like tomorrow and the next day. And tick tock, it'll be the same next month too. Grand, life is just grand. 
I just want to do something insane, fuck something up, something, anything. This is awful. I feel like I'm just waiting for my life to be over. Like honestly, I'm so sick of waking up and facing a day. It's the worst feeling in the world to wake up and know that today is going to be just like yesterday and most likely the day before.
So I'm on these meds for my kidney or whatever, and it's supposed to do helpful things, I honestly zoned when he was talking, but it's going to hurt like hell for the next few days. And honestly, I almost either threw up or passed out today a dozen times from this. I just want to die. It hurts to move, eat, speak, etc. Really, just kill me now.
I had cello lessons today, he told me I was awful. Yeah that made everything better. I'll probably be crying later tonight.
And I made the oath of not partying over spring break, so you know just fuck looking forward to things. This is what relationships are all about.
No, I'm sorry I'm in a bad mood. I just want to go get wasted somewhere and forget about how much I hate myself for a night or month or so.
So yeah, that's pretty much where I'm at right now. Tick tock.

"Sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree.."

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