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Day 36 | bigeyesseemore's Blog


I feel like nothing I do really has any meaning anymore. This is just another day I've made it through, just like tomorrow and the next day. And tick tock, it'll be the same next month too. Grand, life is just grand. 
I just want to do something insane, fuck something up, something, anything. This is awful. I feel like I'm just waiting for my life to be over. Like honestly, I'm so sick of waking up and facing a day. It's the worst feeling in the world to wake up and know that today is going to be just like yesterday and most likely the day before.
So I'm on these meds for my kidney or whatever, and it's supposed to do helpful things, I honestly zoned when he was talking, but it's going to hurt like hell for the next few days. And honestly, I almost either threw up or passed out today a dozen times from this. I just want to die. It hurts to move, eat, speak, etc. Really, just kill me now.
I had cello lessons today, he told me I was awful. Yeah that made everything better. I'll probably be crying later tonight.
Thanks.
And I made the oath of not partying over spring break, so you know just fuck looking forward to things. This is what relationships are all about.
No, I'm sorry I'm in a bad mood. I just want to go get wasted somewhere and forget about how much I hate myself for a night or month or so.
So yeah, that's pretty much where I'm at right now. Tick tock.

"Sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree.."

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Previous Posts
Confused, posted February 17th, 2014
Liar, posted February 2nd, 2014
Golden Tr(age)dy, posted January 16th, 2014
Cold Coffee, posted January 11th, 2014
Thanks For Leaving the Light On, posted January 6th, 2014
Secrets, posted December 3rd, 2013
Obligations, posted November 26th, 2013
Jet Plane, posted November 19th, 2013
Comfortable, posted November 10th, 2013
Elongated, posted November 7th, 2013
"If Only", posted November 1st, 2013, 1 comment
Drowning, posted October 31st, 2013
Home, posted October 28th, 2013
Ceaselessly, posted October 26th, 2013
Invisible, posted October 24th, 2013
Scars, posted October 18th, 2013
Madly. Truly. Deeply., posted October 7th, 2013
Continue, Please., posted September 26th, 2013
Left Side vs. Right Side, posted September 24th, 2013
Continuous Green, posted September 22nd, 2013
Exhale, posted September 18th, 2013, 1 comment
Grapevine Fires, posted September 14th, 2013
Cherish, posted September 11th, 2013
Welcome To My Life, posted September 9th, 2013
Demons, posted September 5th, 2013
The Opposite of Indifference, posted September 1st, 2013
Less Than, posted August 30th, 2013
Smoke, posted August 29th, 2013
Echo, posted August 28th, 2013
Coffee Break, posted August 27th, 2013
L_ST, posted August 26th, 2013
Maybe, posted August 25th, 2013
Big Parade, posted August 24th, 2013
Untouchable, posted August 21st, 2013
Persisting, posted August 20th, 2013
"Keep Going, I Guess", posted August 16th, 2013
Shutting Down, posted August 2nd, 2013
Drifting, posted July 31st, 2013
Touching Down, posted July 26th, 2013
Carry On, posted July 21st, 2013
Fixing It, posted July 13th, 2013
Relapse, posted July 12th, 2013
A Change of Pace, posted July 11th, 2013
The Beginning of the End, posted July 8th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 6th, 2013
Day 0, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 1, posted July 3rd, 2013
Day 0 (continued), posted July 1st, 2013
Day 0, posted June 30th, 2013
Day 28, posted June 27th, 2013
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