Day 2 | bigeyesseemore's Blog
One of my kind of like..ex photographers (no better term for that haha) called me a bit ago. Asked me if I could shoot again, I said sure, I mean I've got nothing better to do. So we went through the works, weight, hair color (I dye it a lot), etc. And he asked about my cuts so I had to tell him that I had them on my thighs and wrists and the top of my rib cage.
I should have never told him, I don't know why I didn't just lie about it. I mean, it doesn't bother me to lie about anything, I do it all the time. I am a liar. No shame really, I mean it's not something I like to scream to the world, but whatever. Anyway, I had this feeling that I should tell him. I've kept pretty hush hush about the fact that I've relapsed, I mean it's just not a big deal anymore. This is a part of me, and I don't really think I should go around telling everyone how much I'm turning my life around and how I've got all these plans. I'm sober, but I'm still a fuck up. That's just that I guess. I mean I like to hope that one day I'll stop, but right now this is what I have to do. I still hate myself, I still get scared, and I still am alone when it comes to this.
Sorry I keep getting off topic, but..I told him and I was pretty straight forward about it. Maybe that was what I did wrong. But he started yelling about how I was stupid, disgusting, etc. And how I couldn't work for him.
I mean, it hurt and everything..But whatever.
Not whatever. I want to rip myself in half.
I'm a failure and I can't even look right. I am disgusting.
I hate myself.
But of course I'm going to keep quiet about this and act like it never happened, like I said, I'm a good liar.
It's kind of in my blood I guess.
But I've got this writing competition tomorrow.
The only good thing about this, is when I write about something bad,
I can at least pretend that these stories aren't my own.
"How would you dance if no one was watching? Wouldn't even get on the floor."
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Previous PostsDay 3, posted May 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted May 13th, 2013
Day 0, posted May 12th, 2013
Day 24, posted May 10th, 2013
Day 20, posted May 6th, 2013
Day 18, posted May 4th, 2013
Day 17, posted May 3rd, 2013
Day 16, posted May 2nd, 2013
Day 14, posted April 30th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 13, posted April 29th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 28th, 2013
Day 10, posted April 26th, 2013, 1 comment
Day 3, posted April 19th, 2013
Day 25, posted April 16th, 2013
Day 21, posted April 12th, 2013
Day 20, posted April 11th, 2013
Day 19, posted April 10th, 2013
Day 18, posted April 9th, 2013
Day 17, posted April 8th, 2013
Day 15, posted April 6th, 2013
Day 12, posted April 4th, 2013
Day 11, posted April 3rd, 2013
Day 11, posted April 2nd, 2013
Day 10, posted April 1st, 2013
Day 9, posted March 31st, 2013
Day 8, posted March 30th, 2013
Day 7, posted March 29th, 2013
Day 2, posted March 24th, 2013
Day 1, posted March 23rd, 2013
Day 0, posted March 22nd, 2013
Day 15, posted March 21st, 2013
Day 10, posted March 16th, 2013
Day 5, posted March 11th, 2013
Day 21, posted March 6th, 2013
Day 20, posted March 5th, 2013
Day 18, posted March 3rd, 2013
Day 13, posted February 26th, 2013
Day 8, posted February 21st, 2013
Day 7, posted February 20th, 2013
Day 6, posted February 19th, 2013
Day 4, posted February 17th, 2013
Day 3, posted February 16th, 2013
Day 2, posted February 15th, 2013
Day 1, posted February 14th, 2013
Day 36, posted February 11th, 2013
Day 34, posted February 9th, 2013
Day 33o, posted February 8th, 2013
Day 29, posted February 6th, 2013
Day 22, posted January 31st, 2013, 1 comment
Day 21, posted January 30th, 2013
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